Live Action Reviews! By Crystal Connor
At 7:30 pm on April 3rd
2016, Crystal Connor, brought home a pizza flopped on the couch, wrapped
herself and the dog in a blanket and picked up her remote.
This is the unedited
journal chronicles the harrowing experience that her neighbors endured for
hours as she screamed, cried, and shouted expletive obscenities at her
television as she watched Phil Stevens indie horror film Flowers…
Reader discretion is Advised
Entry 1:
At least she’s smart enough not to scream and stay where she is.
Entry 2:
So basically she was for dead
Entry 3:
Guess Buffalo Bill wasn't the only one into thick chicks…
Entry 4:
How are you gonna get thru there, and are you sure you even want to?
Entry 5:
Just calm down, you’re not safe yet!
Entry 6:
Why is there no pain?
Entry 7:
Ok, now wait a second here.
Entry 8:
What the fuck dude, go if you’re going! Goooooo!
Entry 9:
No, don’t just stay right there, he’ll see you.
Entry 10:
Fucking A! No one fucking listens
Entry 11:
Ok, seriously what the fuck, is this purgatory
Entry 12:
She’s not going to be able to eat all of that…
Entry 13:
Well, I’ll be damned
Who would like it: This is pretty extreme but if you got through A
Serbian Film you should be ok. But it’s not really fair to compare Flowers to
Serbian because unlike the latter Flowers isn't just shocking for the sake of
being shocking.
Overall / High Points: I think watching horror movies should be an
‘interactive’ activity (which is why I watch them alone) and the more I yell at
the people on the screen the more fun I’m having. I’m a tough customer and I
can be pretty unforgiving when it comes to the myopic way in which I prefer to
be entertained, so before you get the wrong idea by the small number of
entries, let me just say right off the bat that I really liked this movie. The
trick now becomes trying to figure out how to tell you why…
Watching
Flowers was like watching The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari, or maybe more like
Alraune, but again Flowers really isn't a silent film. I mean it is but it’s a little
bit more than that because there is absolutely no dialogue. Which is one of the
things I really like, and is the main reason I am having trouble trying to
explain this movie.
The
narrator in this film is your imagination which means it will be different for
every single person who sees it. Because no one is talking the heroines in this
movie bring it, they have to, the lighting and the way Flowers is filmed is
very Hitchockian which only serves to add to the distress, so your stuck right
there with them, trying to figure out what the hell is going on right along
with them.
My
favorite scene is with the last girl in the vanity/dressing room, it was as if you
could actually hear her international dialogue. At 1st I thought she
realized her situation but then tried to change it and save herself. It left me
thinking that she had become both the doctor and the monster, but then when the
scene fades from present to a flash back I was pissed off at her because I
thought it was all her fault. Throughout Flowers, the women are clinging to a
photograph, all of those pictures are in her room. And during the flashback all
of the women are together in the same room, she’s the last to enter. The other
women disappear one by one after being shown what circumstances lead them to
this chance encounter, but as the end credits began to roll I wasn't so sure of
my assessment.
Gore Factor: I am going to say 3, it’s not so much gore than it is muck.
Scariness Factor: Zero. Flowers isn’t scary, it’s fascinating.
Complaints: N/A
Stars:
5
