From the Mind of Master Imaginationist Crystal Connor ~"A Trusted Name in Terror."

The Darkness, Artificial Light, In The Valley of Shadows

Saturday, November 29, 2014

Live Action Reviews! The Devil's Hand

At 3pm Oct 20th 2014, upon just waking up Crystal Connor checked her email, and found within a review link. Grabbing a bowl of cereal, she sat in front of her computer and clicked play.  For the next 86 minutes her neighbors were subjected to screaming, crying, and expletive outburst…

This is the unedited journal chronicling the harrowing experience her neighbors were forced to endure as she watched, Christian E. Christiansen's 2014 The Devil's Hand.


Reader discretion is Advised

Entry 1: What the hell, that's an elder.

Entry 2: You don fucked up now

Entry 3: You really think you can just change the prophecy?

Entry 4: Your gonna hide in the well? How is that even an option?

Entry 5: “Your own flesh and blood deceives you and you doubt the Prince of Darkness would do the same.” <-best horror="" movie="" nbsp="" of="" quote="" religious="" span="" the="" year.="">

Entry 6: Say that then!

Entry 7: Oh my God this Stepmother is a fucking bitch

Entry 8: How 'bout barring the closet door closed.

Entry 9: Wow, that is a hateful woman

Entry 10: What the fuck?!??

Entry 11: For the love, they're just kids

Entry 12: No, that's NOT the word of God

Entry 13: If you banish someone from the community why go look for them?

Entry 14: BOOM!!! And that's exactly why you need to read the bible for yourself

Entry 15: Dude, you've been banished, you just can't go back home.

Entry 16: JUST STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNTIL MORNING!!!

Entry 17: OMFG what did I just say to you?!!

Entry 18: See!

Entry 19: OMFG YES! Finally
Plotline: When young girls start to go missing within a religious cult, older followers fear a long-told prophecy while the younger members suspect abusive elders are killing them off.

Scariness Factor: Slasher films = jump scares. Solid three. If you watch as many horror films as I do you know when to expect them and in which order everyone will die. That being said it didn't take away from this movie. There are some really fun eerie/creepy parts.    

Gore Factor:  This is a slasher film and true to form there is killing but not too much blood

High Points: The way it ended! Another huge plus was that this movie doesn't make the Amish faith seem cultish even though this particle group is. Like so often in cults, the people in this community are trusting the words of an elder over the words of the scripture and then are lead astray. The elder is doing some horrific things and I'll just let you experience the examination for yourself. The way they pit the younger man against the elder…it's a nice contrast and boldly draws the line between faith and fanaticism.    

Complaints: If you're going to make a person's culture the center piece of your story you need to do the research and observe their customs. These girls are about to turn 18, but when Amish kids turns 14 their Rumspringa begins. 

During this time they get to do Non-Amish things like wear modern clothes, drive a car and hang out with Non-Amish kids, doing normal teenage things like shopping at the mall and using cell phones. There not even punished for having sex or experimenting with drug and alcohol. It gives them the chance to see if they want to stay or leave. This is a big deal because if these girls would have gone thru their Rumspringa two of them most surly would have left.

Overall: I think watching horror movies should be an interactive activity (which is why I watch them alone) and the more I yell at the people on the screen the more fun I'm having. I'm a tough customer and I can be pretty unforgiving when it comes to the myopic way in which I prefer to be entertained.

This was a really fun slasher/religious themed horror movie that is absolutely worth the watch.

Stars: 3 ½ Stars

Where I watched it : VOD


Wednesday, October 29, 2014

Live Action Reviews! The Baby Shower

Things you never see black people doing in horror movies: Thing #23
Walk by a window with the killer standing right there and NOT see him! We make great use of peripheral vision!

At 1:30 am on Sept 30th 2014, Crystal Connor, bundled up in bed, downloaded a movie to her computer and clicked play.  For the next 89 minutes her neighbors were subjected to screaming, crying, and expletive outburst…

This is the unedited journal chronicling the harrowing experience her neighbors were forced to endure as she watched, Pablo Illanes 2011 Baby Shower
Reader discretion is Advised
Entry 1: No. Your kids need more than just you.

Entry 2: If you didn’t want anyone to answer the phn you should have unplugged it.

Entry 3: What truth?

Entry 4: What the hell?

Entry 5: Bad ass little boy!

Entry 6: Ok no, I don’t like this woman. They need to get Angela outta there.

Entry 7: Yeah, don’t leave her there

Entry 8: Wow

Entry 9: No they can’t leave!

Entry 10: The fucking tea

Entry 11: Oh my fucking God, what in the hell?!

Entry 12: Now who the fuck is this guy?

Entry 13: No she’s not, she’s throwing up blood.

Entry 14: Fuck this poor girl

Entry 15: What kinda people are these…

Entry 16: Don’t scream

Entry 17: GO BACK TO THE HOUSE

Entry 18: Hold the fucking phone, did Angela plan all of this over some fucking guy?!

Entry 19: NO! THAT’S NOT OLIVIA

Entry 20: Are you happy now? Those were your friends

Entry 21: Hit her again! See, no one fucking listens

Entry 22: Is he in on this?

Entry 23: Nope he’s not

Entry 24: Oh my fucking God, she is crazy

Entry 25: If the truth doesn’t matter then what’s the point?

Entry 26: SHOOT HER! What the fuck are you doing?!

Entry 27: Your not gonna make it.         

Entry 28: Shut the fuck up.
Plotline: Four ex classmates get together to celebrate the pregnancy of one of them. The venue chosen for the party is a country house located one hour away from the city. It has been a while since the four of them saw each other for the last time and one recently committed betrayal threatens to destroy their long and deep friendship. The revelation of a dark secret and a series of violent deaths transform the baby shower into a nightmare. A very disturbing one.

Scariness Factor: I’m going to give this one about 3 stars out of 5, there were more WTF and oh hell no moments than it was scary  

Gore Factor:  Again a 3, there’s torture and birth

High Points: Usually in horror movies we’re primed to think of the dark skinned/haired/clothed person as the villain director Pablo Illanes flips the script making the fair-haired one the bad guy which makes all the things she’s doing seem that much more off the chain.

One of the best scenes in the movie is right before the woman who leads the cult puts the S hook in Felipe’s neck. It was fun, wild, insane and unpredictable, toward the end I kept thinking about a T-shirt I had seen a girl wearing a few years ago that said ‘Hoes before Bros’ but jokes aside the ending is the perfect tragedy that will leave you asking ‘Now what?’

Complaints: The trailer. I almost missed the gem of a movie because when I saw the trailer I thought it looked cheesy it wasn’t until I read the write up over at the Horror Quest Film Festival site did I reconsider this movie. Glad I did.

Overall: I think watching horror movies should be an ‘interactive’ activity (which is why I watch them alone) and the more I yell at the people on the screen the more fun I’m having. I’m a tough customer and I can be pretty unforgiving when it comes to the myopic way in which I prefer to be entertained. With 28 entries and nearly a all female cast and an ending I didn't see coming this movie was a blast! I'll be keeping an eye on this director and all the actresses who carried this movie to the finish line.

Stars: Four Stars

Where I watched it : VOD

Saturday, October 11, 2014

In loving memory of Jeremy McSpadden

An 18-year-old from Spokane Valley was killed last night in the Incredible Corn Maze at Hauser Lake when a bus inside the maze struck him, according to the Kootenai County Sheriff’s Office.
***
 After the incredible time I had with my sister and friends last night at several haunted attractions this is the most heart breaking news to wake up to.

For those of you who follow my live action movie reviews and or like my random status updates of me screaming at people in horror movies know nothing provokes my righteous ire more than people who choose to run into the cornfields when fleeing from monsters and madmen.

Last night was the very 1st time my sister and I were actually in a cornfield. The 1st thing a city
dweller notices when being in real life farm country is how dark it is at night. It’s even darker in a corn field, it’s naturally claustrophobic and the terrain is uneven. Being inside a corn field at night is unsettling even when nothing is going on, so much so that I broke the cardinal rule by instantly utilized my flashlight app on my phone. The rebuke was immediate.

Its easy to Monday morning quarterback or be an armchair general but this isn’t what this is about because I can totally see how something like this could happen.

The Seattle horror community is a pretty tight knit family, and the people who are responsible for putting these haunts together take their jobs seriously even thou 90% of them are volunteers. They work incredibly hard and put in tons of hours to put on the best show that they possibly can, brainstorming and planning starting months in advance. They vent to their friends about what goes on behind the scenes, call each other out and then fight on facebook about perceived slackers and the injustice of towing someone else’s line. They go to each other’s haunts to critique each other’s sets because they want the equivalent of the fan’s choice awards in the form of longer lines, glowing reviews, and tons of social media tags.

They do this all for us, so I can totally see how something like this could happen. But…

Working around heavy equipment my entire adult life there is a huge piece of me that drops everything to ask ‘how safe is this?’ the minute any type of machinery is involved. I stand in line at amusement parks scrutinizing the framework looking for the tell-tale signs of properly preventive and the upkeeping of schedule maintenance, making a b-line to the food court at the 1st sign of a rusted bolt, the faintest whisper of dry, grinding gears.

Without a doubt there is blame here, but I’m not the one to cast it. The zombie slayer bus was a brand new attraction for  the Incredible Corn Maze at Hauser Lake. A brand new attraction just for us…the fans.

I didn’t know this kid, but my heart is breaking just the same because I know a dozen kids and adults just like him. They do what they do for the sheer love of it. They do what they do for us, the fans. But at the end of the day, we the fans are not worth this. My deepest condolences to the McSpadden family and to everyone who knew and loved Jeremy. 

Spokane Valley Teen Killed at Hauser Corn Maze

Friday, October 10, 2014

Finally...damn

It took me almost 2 days because it hadn't been done since 12 but I finally updated my blog. I still have to update my DVD pick of the week archive but all of the other pages have been updated. 

Almost everything is done in my side bar. All of my books are clickable, so if you want to purchase a book from this blog, at this very moment you can. Just click the book cover and you'll be directed to where you'll have the opportunity  to purchase the book via my eStore.

In the next few days I will also have a side bar with all the kindle/eReader links!

Til next time,
The wordsmith


Dudes! It's Friday!


Happy Friday guys!
Today’s stop on my tour is an interview with Darcia @ A Word Please. I hope you have to time to check it out. If you missed any stops so far here is the full schd’l


Speaking of Juniper Grove Book Solutions, Jaidis Shaw the founder, gave birth to 8lbs 10oz beautiful baby girl! Whoo Hoo!

Me and my kid sister start our insane visit every single haunted house in Seattle tonight and we’re going to be going to three of them tonight to get things start right =D Check my instagram for the pix!

So here are all the horror movies that will be on TV in North America tonight and thru the weekend if you’re planning on staying in…don’t forget to check your local listings, if your going out have fun and be safe. Talk to you guys soon!

Oct 10
12:15 a.m. Constantine, HBO 2
 1:25 p.m. Tales from the Crypt Presents: Bordello of Blood, HBO Comedy
 3:00 a.m. Manhunter, Showtime
 7:00 a.m. The Monitor, Chiller
 9:00 a.m. Paranormal Entity, Chiller
 11:00 a.m. Descendants, Chiller
 1:00 p.m. Devil’s Playground, Chiller
 3:00 p.m. Ghostmaker, Chiller
 4:00 p.m. The Uninvited, SYFY
 5:00 p.m. Bad Kids Go to Hell, Chiller
 5:55 p.m. Constantine, HBO Zone
 6:00 p.m. The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974), SYFY
 6:30 p.m. The Last Exorcism Part II, Showtime
 7:00 p.m. My Bloody Valentine, Chiller
 7:15 p.m. Warm Bodies, HBO2
 9:00 p.m. Animal, Chiller
 9:30 p.m. Hostel, Showtime

Oct 11
2:00 a.m. The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974), SYFY
 5:50 a.m. Poltergeist III, HBO Zone
 6:00 a.m. ABCs of Death, Chiller
8:30 a.m. Gacy, Chiller
 9:00 a.m. Aliens, Sundance
 10:30 a.m. Vanishing on 7th Street, Chiller
 12:00 p.m. The Curse of the Mummy’s Tomb, TCM
 12:30 p.m. The City of Lost Children, Chiller
 2:05 p.m. The Witches, HBO Family
 2:30 p.m. Chernobyl Diaries, SYFY
 3:00 p.m. Tormented, Chiller
 3:30 p.m. Red Dragon, HBO Zone
 4:40 p.m. Halloween II (2009), SYFY
 5:00 p.m. Don’t Be Afraid of the Dark, Chiller
 5:45 p.m. Fallen, HBO Zone
 7:00 p.m. Freddy vs. Jason, SYFY
 7:00 p.m. Open House, Chiller
 9:00 p.m. Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2003), SYFY
 9:00 p.m. Vacancy, Chiller
 11:00 p.m. Hostel, Part II, SYFY

Oct 12
1:00 a.m. Chernobyl Diaries, SYFY
 2:15 a.m. Blacula, TCM
 2:30 a.m. Aliens, Sundance
 3:00 a.m. Teeth, HBO Signature
 3:00 a.m. The Bleeding, SYFY
 3:25 a.m. The Hills Have Eyes (2006), HBO Zone
 4:00 a.m. Scream, Blacula Scream, TCM
 4:35 a.m. Cry Wolf, HBO Signature
5:25 a.m. Tales from the Crypt Presents: Demon Knight, HBO Comedy
 9:00 p.m. Stoker, HBO Signature
 10:30 a.m. Night of the Demons, SYFY
 12:30 p.m. Halloween II (2009), SYFY
 2:00 p.m. The Lost, Chiller
 3:00 p.m. Stir of Echoes, Sundance
 3:00 p.m. Hostel Part II, SYFY
 4:30 p.m. The Woman, Chiller
 5:00 p.m. Freddy vs. Jason, SYFY
 5:15 p.m. They Live, Sundance
 7:00 p.m. Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2003), SYFY
 7:00 p.m. Seventh Moon, Chiller
 9:00 p.m. The Fog (2005) SYFY
 9:00 p.m. 13 Eerie, Chiller
 9:45 p.m. Warm Bodies, HBO Comedy

Video of the day:

Tuesday, October 7, 2014

Blog tour day 2!

Hi guys! Just a quick update today, still a little under the weather =/
Today’s stop on the tour for And They All Lived Happily Ever After is w/Elora, Marie & Layna over at Lunar Haven Reviews and Designs

***
Ok you guys, here are all the horror movies that will be on TV in North America for tomorrow Oct 8th ! We can thank the guys over at the Atlantic but sure to take their suggestion and check your local listings

12:20 a.m. The Hills Have Eyes (2006), HBO Zone
 3:50 a.m. Poltergeist III, HBO Zone
 7:25 a.m. Cry Wolf, HBO Signature
 9:00 a.m. Hollow Man, AMC
 11:30 a.m. Deep Blue Sea (1999), AMC
 12:00 p.m. The Dead Zone, Sundance
 2:00 p.m. Snakes on a Plane, AMC
 3:00 p.m. Vile, Chiller
 4:00 p.m. Van Helsing, AMC
 5:00 p.m. Junkyard Dog, Chiller
 7:00 p.m. The Monkey’s Paw, Chiller
 8:00 p.m. Warm Bodies, HBO Comedy
 9:00 p.m. Madison County, Chiller

***
So I’m not gonna post a short film tonight but don’t worry I do have something planned for you! The 1st thing I have for you is the reveal of my newest and official author promo spot =D
***
And the 2nd little thing is gem! Ok it’ll take a few steps but trusted its worth it.

Step 1: In a new window open this link, immediately press pause then come back

Step 2: In another new window open this link then come back here…

Step 3: Go back to the 1st link press play, then go to the 2nd link and read the story. No need to thank me ;p
ttyal



Monday, October 6, 2014

Starring me!


¡Hola, amigos!

This 1st stop in the 20 days of me tour is with  Laurie @ Laurie’s Thoughts and Reviews! This is my 2nd time touring my anthology but this time around I’m promoting my audio book! Click the link to check it out.


So like I’ve mentioned in earlier posts the guys over at the Atlantic has complied a list of all the horror movies that will be on TV in North America for the entire month of Oct! Here’s what’s on tomorrow Oct 7th!

8:00 a.m. My Soul to Take, SYFY
 2:30 a.m. Tales from the Crypt Presents: Demon Knight, HBO Zone
 3:00 p.m. Razortooth, Chiller
 5:00 p.m. Spiders 2: Breeding Ground, Chiller
 7:00 p.m. The Arrival, Chiller
 7:45 p.m. The Dead Zone, Sundance
 9:00 p.m. Zombie Strippers, IFC
 9:00 p.m. Black Cadillac, Chiller

***
Our short feature for today is a sci-fi entry called The Device! Enjoy, see you around the web…