The Beautiful and Very Talented Miss Eloise J. Knapp

Word of the day:
Captious
PRONUNCIATION: (KAP-shuhs) adjective: Having an inclination to find faults, especially of a trivial nature.

How to survive a horror movie tip #22
Do not take “anything” from the dead.

Today where taking some time to speak with Eloise J. Knapp author of The Undead Situation. Eloise’s love for zombie’s started with, of course, George A. Romero’s 1968 Night of the Living Dead, who she was able to meet at Seattle’s 2010 ZomBcon convention. Please heed the Trioxion & Keep Out warning postings and under no circumstances are you to approach the undead! Check your ammo and let’s get to know a little more about my fellow debut author and friend Miss Eloise J. Knapp.

Notes From The Author: Thank you so much for taking the time to be here today, I’m super excited to have you here.How much time passes from the moment that you wake up to the moment you start writing?

Eloise J. Knapp: Sometimes I get up and walk straight to my office, which is great. Then there’s the rough days when I just don’t write.

NFTA: From extremely frightening films like Danny Boyle’s 28 Days later, and Craig Singer’s Perkins 14 to over the top slap stick movies like Edgar Wright’s Shaun of the Dead, and Andrew Currie’s Fido zombies can be found from one end of the spectrum to the other. Why do you think zombies are such a crowd pleaser?

EJK: Some people don’t like scary movies, some people love them, and some people just want something different. Zombie movies can cover any movie genre out there: romance, comedy, horror, and action just to name a few. When a creature can be in that many types of films there is a zombie movie for everyone.


NFTA: I find that zombie fans are completely different beasts from horror and science fiction fans. They tend to be more lenient about conflicting theories and more forgiving of a weaker story line if there is a lot of gore. I’ve seen some pretty horrible zombie movies, and have stopped reading books after the 3rd of 4th page because the story was so bad. Do you think some artist exploit the fans love, tolerance, and excitement about zombies to produce poor quality material?

EJK: I do think some artists exploit fans. I think they do in any genre to be honest. It’s easy for someone to think, “Hey, teenage girls love vampires. I’m going to cash in on that gravy train and write some cheesy vampire romances.” However, just because a movie or book is bad that doesn’t mean someone purposely created poor material in attempts to make money. Sometimes authors or movie makers don’t have the skills or finances to produce high end work.

NFTA: Culturally, which was conveyed in the Halperin brothers 1932 film White Zombie, zombies are terrifying. In your opinion how did we get from Night of the Living Dead to Fido?

EJK: Film evolves so much over time. Aliens used to be terrifying, too, but now some movies turn them into comedy. I think the transition between NOTLD and Fido came from film makers trying to make something new and establish their place in the movie world. Once one funny zombie flick comes out other developers see it and think, “I can do that, too.”

NFTA: With the overwhelming amount of art, comics, books, and movies and now with AMC’s The Walking Dead TV show, did you struggle to come up with an original concepts material?

EJK: Original concepts material is a complicated subject. Here is a little example, in Day by Day Armageddon he gets a canary yellow Hummer. Then a while later the movie Zombieland comes out and they have a canary yellow Hummer. Was Bourne the originator of this concept and Zombieland used it? Or was it coincidence?

When writing The Undead Situation I felt like (and still do) the ideas are original. As far as I know my characters are unique because I’ve never come across characters like that but someone else probably has. I’m a strong believer in the phrase, “There are no new ideas” but I like to say, “There are rarely no new ideas”.

NFTA: You’ve said that your hope is to offer an alternative zombie world; can you tell us a little bit about The Undead Situation, and how it differs from what we’re use to seeing or reading about in zombie movies and books?

EJK: There isn’t anything wrong with this, but characters in zombie books are relatively weak. They can’t defend themselves, have no weapons, and are bounded by moral obligations that cloud judgment. Even when they do come across some guns, their characters are still emotionally weak and afraid. My primary character doesn’t fall into that category. He doesn’t care about being a good guy and saving those in need. Cyrus doesn’t fear the undead, not really, and certainly doesn’t care about the end of the world. My zombie world also offers fast and slow zombies in a different way other authors portray it (gotta read the book to find out why, though!)

NFTA: The Undead Situation is your 1st book, congratulations! Trust me I know how you feel. From start to finish how long did it take to write TUS and was the journey to becoming a published author everything you hoped it would be?

EJK: I started writing little bits about Cyrus V. Sinclair when I was sixteen. It wasn’t until I was almost 17 that I got serious about turning it into a novel. I finished writing the book mid 2009, put it on Kindle by the end of the year, and in October of 2010 I finished the final edits with Louise Bohmer. So from the idea to the last grammar fix, about 4 years.

I don’t know if it’s everything I’d hoped it would be yet. My book isn’t out and some recent developments (good ones) have delayed the release of the book until next year. As for what I have gone through as an author, I’m very pleased. Working with a professional editor was awesome. I have to say, it was so satisfying to have someone unbiased (not a family member, that is) edit my book. It’s so much better because of it. Jacob over at Permuted Press is a great guy and easy to work with.

NTFA: If you could go back and change one thing in regards to the choices you made and the team that’s helped you get to where you are now, what would that be? And no cheating by saying ‘I wouldn’t change anything’ you really have to answer this question …sorry love.

EJK: I’d change adding fluff to my book. While I was first writing it I’d constantly add to make the book longer. Louise helped me tear that crap out to make the book flow better. It’s shorter now, but I wish I hadn’t fluffed it up to begin with.

NTFA: How much reality goes into your characters, are they your alter ego’s, based on people you know or completely made up?

EJK: Cyrus V. Sinclair and I are very similar. It scares my family and those who have read the book, but almost everything Cyrus does is something I would do during apocalyptic times. I can be a little sociopathic at times and Cyrus truly is one. Some of the other characters are loosely based on people I know while other’s I made up completely.

NFTA: Let’s talk about your marketing and promotional material, which btw is minding blowing! I love your photo’s they look like movie posters. Thanks for signing mine! How did you come up with such an awesome idea?

EJK: Thanks! Photography is another hobby of mine. I’ve been into it since I was about ten. So, love of photography and zombies… when you put them together, I do some cool zombie photos! Ideas pop into my head, usually before I fall asleep, and I execute them quickly while the idea is fresh. I think in terms of scenes like in movies which is why they look like that.

I do all my own graphic design work and am an ace with Photoshop. That helps, too!

NFTA: As far as marketing and promoting which have you found to be more effective, your website or your facebook fan page?

EJK: Probably my FB. Everyone and their mom are on FB so it makes networking easy. It provides more exposure, too.

NFTA: You also gave away about a gallizon t-shirts at Seattle’s ZomBcon, what kind of return did you get on that in terms of facebook fans, and sales and do you see using T’s as standard promotional items?

EJK: Well I’m not selling anything yet, so I don’t know. I’ve gotten about 30 fans since the convention so it was worth something. I designed the shirt myself, researched bulk clothing providers and silkscreening. It all worked out so well I’ll always have t-shirts for promotion. I like to give them away so when my book does come out and I hit conventions I’ll probably do a free t-shirt with book. At least a free print with book because people love free stuff!

NFTA: Speaking of ZomBcon was that your 1st con as a vendor, how much fun did you have and what’s con’s are you planning on attending next year?

EJK: First convention as a vendor and attendee. It was so much work but a ton of fun. I met some crazy amazing people and ended up working with one (Robert Elrod) on a cover! I’m probably going to go to Crypticon and zomBcon again.

NFTA: What would be your specialty in a zombie apocalypse?

EJK: Probably fortifying places to stay. I analyze building’s safety levels for zombie apocalypse and mentally assess how defendable it is and what could be done to strengthen it.

NFTA: So what else do you have planned for all the fans next year?

EJK: My aunt L.J Landstrom and I are releasing a collection of short stories for Kindle around February. Robert Elrod, who I mentioned above, did the cover. The Undead Situation will come out next year as well.

NFTA: In closing is there anything you would like to tell us about, any upcoming appearances, movie deals, or a wedding?

EJK: I’ll probably be at some conventions like I said above and that zomBcon fundraiser this December. Nothing else that big coming up but I update my fan page often with news if there is.

NFTA: Thanks again love for stopping by today it was really awesome chatting with ya I’ll see you in May but talk to you way before then. Ciao

For more information on Eloise J. Knapp please visit: http://eloisejknapp.com/

Be a Fan on Facebook: Eloise J. Knapp-Author

For more infromation on The Undead Situation please visit: http://permutedpress.blogspot.com/2011/01/permuted-press-teams-up-with-audiblecom.html

But his story is 10x better than mine!

Word of the Day:
Benthic
PRONUNCIATION: (BEN-thik): adjective Of or relating to the bottom of a sea or lake.

How to survive a horror movie tip #10
If you come into possession of a strange old artifact and any exotic person (old wizened oriental, gypsy, Indian medicine man) warns you to do/not do something, do not do just the opposite in order to demonstrate how silly they are.

Last Friday was my virtual launch part for The Darkness, and it was so much more fun and incredible than I could have imaged or hoped for! Here is the link; it’s a two-hour show that flies by, so feel free to come back when you have time to listen to it!

http://http://www.blogtalkradio.com/sol-searching/2011/01/22/sol-searching?a=y

So now that The Darkness is out, and I have been getting some really good reviews, the next step in the process is marketing and exposure. One of the best ways to gain exposure is to enter contest. So I’ve been complying a list of the contests that I qualify to enter and last night I found out a friend of mine has already submitted his story to a contest I was hoping to enter and now I’m super nervous to submit Darkness because his story fucking rocks and is about 10x better than mine, I know its super stupid for me to think that way but I have to be a little realistic.

But on the other hand these are the types of writers that I will be competing against so I might as well stop being such a chicken, and plus you guys all know I start to lose my mind when it comes to entering contest. I submit to editors all the time and I don’t hurl myself from a bridge every time I get a rejection letter so I have no idea why come so unglued when it comes to contests. I have a list of 5 contests that I can enter, and despite my unfounded fear I am going to enter all five of them. What I know for sure is that I don’t suck, so I might have a fighting chance, even against Dave. Ok maybe that was a little ambitious…

So at the end of the week I will be posting an interview with horror writer Eloise J. Knapp and the DVD pick will also be posted by then as well. Enjoy the rest of your day and I’ll talk to you all later!

Buyer Beware!

Word of the Day:
Ontology
PRONUNCIATION: (on-TOL-uh-jee) noun: The philosophical study of existence and the nature of being.

HOW TO SURVIVE A HORROR MOVIE TIP #15
Go ahead and slap the screaming hysterical girl, she will be the one to distract everyone when there really is danger.

So as most of you know, I customized and purchase this calander to give to the grand prize winner of my launch party



Shorty after posting the calendar on FB I get this raving email from the Zazzle shop owner claiming copyright infringement:

[Crystal,
Before to write to you we informed and consulted our manager and legal office at Zazzle.You are seriously damaging me trying to give away for free my copyrighted images , sticking your name to my logo of graphic studio without any riferiment to me on your Facebook page. You can not do this kind of personal use of my calendar on web.
You bought a calendar, buying a customized calendar don't give the rights to use of my images . You can use your calendar only at your Home .
I Don't permit to publish my images on your personal site . Remove them immediately .
You can not use my copyrighted images and logos for no reason. You can not give away , distribute for free on web or another electronic media , you can not do electronic copies or distribute without expressed permission of me .You have the rights of your words not the images.Buying a calendar do not give the rights of propriety of images. Did you understand ?
You can not get property of Logos , Trademarks sticking your name for your promotion.
You are in a grave infringement of copyright . Unfortunately I see that you don't know the rules of image copyrights. You can not give away as a gift copyrighted images and logos . I repeat you must remove them immediately. After if you like we can find an appropriate and correct mode to support the promotion of your novel with our graphics /images on web. We are also open to discuss about "Caduceus" as cover art image .]



I ignored this email, because for one because if you allow customization of your product thru an online store such as Zazzle you’re basically granting the person the right to use the images, two I have other things to do than try and reason with a person who doesn’t know what there talking about, and three by the wording of his emails it doesn’t seem like English is his 1st language so there’s no telling what could be lost in translation.


So I get two more emails from this guy demanding that I put a link to his Zazzle store on my pix, and finally when he gets no response from me he flags the pix on facebook claiming copyright infringement.

Meanwhile back on the farm … I contacted Zazzle & fowarded the above email and this is the response I got from them:

[Dear Crystal,

Thank you for your email.

I apologize for the response that one of our sellers sent to you. Please be aware that you have done nothing wrong. I believe the seller is misinformed or confused about copyrights. You purchased the product and have every right to give that calendar away as a gift or keep it for your own enjoyment.

Thanks for using Zazzle.com

Best Regards,
Marcos
Content Management Team
Zazzle Inc]


How interesting considering that in his 1st threat to me he claimed to have “consulted our manager and legal office at Zazzle.” I have filed a Copyright Counter Complaint against this shop owner, so the pix of the calendar should be reinstate by Facebook shortly.


His whole deal was he wanted me to tell everybody where I bought the calendar...and I’ll do that now, because from one consumer to another, I cannot in good conscious recommend that any of you spend any money with this shop owner. Even though the work is beautiful the ensuing harassment, ranting and raving is not worth it.

Especially since there are so many other amazing artist on both Zazzle and Etsy who are far more deserving of our hard earned money.

Buyer beware when shopping The art of Bulgan_Lumimi on Zazzle.com

DVD Pick of the week: DeadGirl

Word of the Day:
Ligneous
PRONUNCIATION:(LIG-nee-uhs)adjective: Having the texture or appearance of wood.

How to survive a horror movie tip #42
If you are lucky enough to, oh, say, knock out a madman with a shovel -- for the love of God don't drop the shovel and run away. You STAY there and BEAT HIS ASS DEAD WITH THAT SHOVEL.



Plotline: Two high school boys discover an imprisoned woman in an abandoned mental asylum who cannot die.

Scariness Factor: It’s too high to measure. Writer Trent Haaga, does not rely on the monster in the closet, or the maniac with the chain saw to draw you to the edge of your seat. What makes this movie so horrific is the fact that the characters of this movie are children and the things that they are doing is mind-numbing.

Gross-Out Factor: N/A

Complaints: None, this was a pretty smart and original horror flick.

High Points: This could easily fit within the zombie genre. The woman the boys find in the abandoned building is covered with plastic and she’s been there for years … yet she is still alive; however DeadGirl is not about the monster. It’s how she’s victimized.

Personal Commentary: This is an extremely difficult film to watch because the things these kids are doing is mortifying, there are no active adults around, the shallowness of these adolescents moral compasses is terrifying and the entire film is sadly realistic.

Stars: 5 out of 5

Where I rented it: Blockbuster

I found another review!

Word of the Day:
Orchidaceous
PRONUNCIATION:(or-ki-DAY-shuhs)adjective: 1. Of or relating to orchids. 2. Showy.

How to survive a horror movie tip #2:
When you're searching a house because you think there's something dangerous there, for God's sake turn the bloody lights on!

Check out this review I found on GoodReads!
The Darkness by Crystal Connor

My rating: 5 of 5 stars


The Darkness is a really quick paced Sci-Fi/Horror novel that has a lot of fantasy as well. It was a blast to read. I always root for the villain/monster/bad guy and The Darkness gave me a female super villain that I couldn't get enough of...Artemisia! She's ruthless and vain beyond reason. She doesn't apologize for anything she is the ultimate anti-hero.

There is also a very wicked witch in The Darkness who powers are so great the last place on earth she'll ever be is tied to a burning stake. In a lot of stories I've read that revolve around a very powerful a witch, the witch is always evil, the witch in The Darkness Inanna is indeed evil...but she is not the bad guy. In a nice twist she is actually the hero in this book and that totally caught me off guard and I love being thrown off when I'm reading a book!

I was so stunned at the ending I wasn't really sure what to do, its amazing ending but I didn't see it coming and I was holding my breath for a different ending.

The best part of this book was finding out that there is a sequel! There is a preview of the next book called Artificial Light. It's kinda weird because the review start on chapt 6 but it makes me feel better about the way The Darkness ended because introduces us to some new characters two of them I can't tell you who they are because it won't make any sense until you read the 1st book but there is another witch and a group of knights which makes me believe Artificial Light will have a lot more of a sword and sorcery element to it and that is just fine by me!

Fans of both the Twilight series and Dan Brown and anyone in between will have fun reading this book.

View all my reviews

The End is Near!

Word of the Day:
Nyctophobia
PRONUNCIATION: (nik-tuh-FOH-bee-uh) noun: An abnormal fear of night or darkness.

How to survive a horror movie tip #9:
If on a stormy night, you find a window open which you thought was previously closed, do not close it. It may be your only way out when whatever has come in through it is chasing you.

With the endorphins from world wide celebration of the birth of Christ for the year 2010 still following thru our veins, many people are now looking at the calendar with trepidation. Why? Because this may very well be the last time, mankind will be allowed such a festival as the fulfillment of Mayan cataclysmic prophecy is now only 725 days away.

What better time to talk about the Apocalypse.

For those of you who hadn’t heard the name Timothy W Long until you went with me on my quest to find Jonathan Moon know that he too has been in hiding due to the release of The Apocalypse and Satan’s Glory Hole. As difficult as it was to locate Jonathan, Timothy was actually harder to find. After spending a King’s ransom to a Mexican Coyote and under the threat of being slapped in the face by a Russian Crime Boss Timothy was finally located coming out of an Science Fiction Writers Anonymous meeting.

A burlap sack was placed over his head; he was thrown into the back of a van and brought to this warehouse in a secret location. Understandably he is pissed off and not happy to see me but Vladimir injected him with truth serum and Enrique gave him a hand full of pills and three shot glasses full of tequila so he is starting to calm down...

Notes from the Author: Hey Tim, I’m sorry about all this but since the Church denounced The Apocalypse and Satan’s Glory Hole as blasphemous, labeled you and Jonathon heretics and demanded your head on a sliver platter, you haven’t been exactly easy to find. How long do you think this whole exile thing will last and with a $25.99 bounty hanging over your head why would you risk going to a Science Fiction Writers Anonymous meeting, wouldn’t have been safer just to call your sponsor?

TWL: I suppose we can come back once a new religion develops around the ideas founded in The Apocalypse and Satan’s Glory Hole. I have always wanted to have a religion and I have always wanted to write a book with a one-armed heroin addicted monkey named ‘fuckin Phil. It seemed like the right time to write it. Well, after I pulled Moon out of that little spot with the Serbians.

NFTA: Speaking of Science Fiction, how many science fiction and horror stories did you write, publish and sale before you started writing almost exclusively about zombies?


TWL: Quite a few. I was hard at work on a noir-ish sci-fi story when I came to the realization that it sucked. Bad. I think I had about 40K words done when I tossed the whole mess.

One of the first stories I sold was titled So Lonely the Stars. I wrote it and had it critiqued by a number of people in a writing class. It was about a group of rotund bugs that spend millions of years trying to find another form of sentient life. They ended up building a super-AI that left the planet to do what the little guys could not. It takes him over a billion years to return. It was one of my first sales and a story I still read from time to time.

Shaun of the Dead is probably my favorite movie, as well as 28 days later. I have always thought zombies were cool. I was surprised to find that there was a whole sub-culture of zombie fanatics on the Internet. I just sort of fell in with them and started cranking out zombie tales.

As far as other published stories. I think I have about a dozen out there on various web sites, webzines and anthologies. They range from weird sci-fi to dark horror.

NFTA: From extremely frightening films like Danny Boyle’s 28 Days later, and Craig Singer’s Perkins 14 to over the top slap stick movies like Edgar Wright’s Shaun of the Dead, and Andrew Currie’s Fido zombies can be found from one end of the spectrum to the other. Why do you think zombies are such a crowd pleaser?
TWL: More like a crowd clearer. Ba-Dum-Bah. Everyone fears zombies because they are us. They give us a chance to show the best and worst of humanity from both sides. From a spouse with nothing but murder in her undead eyes chasing you, to group of people holed up with supplies threatening you if you don’t leave.

Zombies are terrific for satire. When I was working on The Zombie Wilson Diaries, I cracked myself up coming up with more and more outrageous situations to put the protagonist in. The guy is stuck on a deserted island with everyman’s dream, a hot girl, . But he can’t do anything because she is a zombie. I may write some sick stuff but I’m not about to have him start doing her. Gross! So instead he spends his days justifying why he keeps her around as she leads him on more and more adventures. All she wants to do is eat him. It is definitely relationship satire.

NFTA: Culturally, which was conveyed in the Halperin brothers 1932 film White Zombie, zombies are terrifying. In your opinion how did we get from Night of the Living Dead to Fido?

TWL: Because we are silly people. Where there is great horror you will find humor. Someone is always going to be the jerk that makes fun of people being eaten. I am happy to be that jerk.

NFTA: What I expect from my horror is to be disturbed beyond sleep, shivering in a corner and shooting at shadows. Among The Living is nowhere near silly, and you get a sense of the tone just by looking at the cover. I was born and raised in Washington, though I have traveled all over the world I always come back home because Seattle is my favorite place in the world. I have a visceral reaction when I see artwork, movies, or TV shows in which the Space Needle is in shambles or being destroyed it’s like being slugged in the stomach. Can we talk a bit about how you came up with the concept of Among The Living’s cover and Jodi Lee the artist who did the artwork for you?

TWL: It was all the idea of Doc Pus over at Library of the Living Dead Press. He told me early on that he had this image of the Seattle skyline in flames. I had a hard time picturing it. Living here can be dark and depressing when the rain doesn’t let up for weeks at a time so it was easier for me to picture the scene as much darker and bleaker. Well he asked Jodi to do the cover and when I got a look at it my jaw hit the ground.

The cover came in second place last year in a contest over on Editor’s and Predator’s. I think we should have won. That cover has sold a lot of copies of Among the Living.NFTA: What’s available on Amazon.com is the revised and expanded edition of Among The Living. Why did you feel the book needed to be expanded and revised and is the original Among The Living available for sale anywhere or is it now a collector’s item?

TWL: When Among the Living came out, Library of the Living Dead was still a very new press. Everyone was excited to get the book in print, me most of all. I had help editing it but once it was out it became apparent that a pro should have stepped in.

I had also tried to keep the original book around the 100K mark and a couple of chapters got cut. I asked the publisher if he would let me do an updated version with a professional editor and he gave me free reign. So with a year of writing experience under my belt, I went back to the manuscript with a scalpel. There is not a single page in the book that wasn’t touched. I updated, changed, and added stuff that I wish had been in the first printing. It took me a month just to go over the manuscript then another month with a top notch editor named Stephanie Kinkaid. She took my scribbles and made them much better.

A lot of people like the character Kate in the book. She is a budding young serial killer with peculiar tastes. I was happy to go back and give her a little more depth and backstory. She really turned into a badass in the book and took to chopping zombies with a pair of Japanese swords like they were fresh tuna. She will play a huge part in the sequel.

I also added a few minor scenes that showed the virus spreading throughout the town. A legitimate criticism of the first book was that it took too long for the zombies to show up. I can understand that because Among the Living is not the typical zombie book. I call it a pre-apocalyptic zombie tale. It is really about the characters in the first few days. The typical zombie book takes place afterwards.

I have about 10 copies of the original Among the Living at home but to be honest I prefer to keep them out of people’s hands. Read the new one and you will read the book the way it was intended to be written. I have even offered to take the old one of people’s hands and cons, and give them a new one in exchange.

NFTA: One of the things I like about Among The Living is how you did the chapters. Instead of chapter 1, chapter 2, and so on you give us the name of the character on the day of the infection Day 0 – Kate. George R.R. Martin does the same thing. Was it you intention from the beginning to use the names of the characters instead of numbers as chapter headings or did it come later as you were writing Among The Living?

TWL: I had two main characters in mind from the start. I wrote them in third person and was pretty happy with their story line but I really felt like the book needed a more visceral point of view. Enter Mike, the newspaper reporter. I tried to write him in third person but I didn’t feel a connection. So I jumped to first person and immediately wondered if I was breaking some writing rules by having multiple viewpoints.

What this allowed me to do was to switch back and forth between characters as I wrote. So I had three distinct stories lines to juggle and a definitive ending point in the distance.

I am a huge fan of Martin and I love his books and the way the viewpoints start with character names. It also makes it a little bit easier on the reader to follow. That way they don’t have to read a descriptive few paragraphs to figure out who is the main character.

Plus people can skip around. “Ah crap, another Mike chapter? I think I’ll read ahead and see who Kate is slicing to pieces.”

NFTA: Barriers Beyond and The Zombie-Wilson Diaries are two more zombie novels that you released this year. With the overwhelming amount of art, comics, books, and movies and now with AMC’s The Walking Dead, a TV show, do you struggle to come up with original concepts and material?

TWL: Not at all. I could write this stuff until the end of time. Half of me wants to do the funny stuff. I love satire and could write that forever and be happy. I also love the scarier stuff. And could do the same. It’s like there are two competing voices up in my noggin and they are duking it out with pogo sticks.

I have a zombie western novella in the works, another comedic piece about some nerdy survivors, plans to do a book involving the porn industry and zombies with another writer … I could go on and on and …

NFTA: I find that zombie fans are a complete different beast from horror and science fiction fans. They tend to be more lenient about conflicting theories and more forgiving of a weaker story line if there is a lot of gore. I’ve seen some pretty horrible zombie movies, and have stopped reading books after the 3rd of 4th page because the story was so bad. Do you think some artist exploit the fans love, tolerance, and excitement about zombies to produce poor quality material?

TWL: In dream land, where I often dwell, I imagine that every artist does their best to create a good story. At the heart of writing, there is a story, if you can’t tell a story, why are you trying to write? We have a million literary writers out of New York that can’t sell 500 copies of their books and they tell a damn good story, right? But someone can write Dawn of the Dead, change the names and add buckets of gore and get it published. Know your craft, cater to your audience, ask for input from your fans, and you won’t produce crap.

NFTA: Including three anthologies and co-authoring The Apocalypse and Satan’s Glory Hole just in the last two years there are seven books out there with your name on them. Are you writing full time now?

TWL: Yes. And I also have a full time job.

NFTA: Speaking of The Apocalypse and Satan’s Glory Hole and for the simple fact that I had you kidnapped and brought to this warehouse I have to ask you the same question I asked Jonathon. It’s clear that you guys had a blast writing The Apocalypse and Satan’s Glory Hole, but did you ever think for one moment that the Church and members of the literary community would so vehemently denounce your work? And knowing what you know now, do you think you would have done things differently?

TWL: We pretty much set out to upset every person we could. In fact, I was talking to our editor,Stephanie Kincaid, just the other day. I told her about a new scene I was doing for a possible sequel that involved Noah in hell. She said “I get it. So this is just in case you have not offended everyone in the world?”

I do want to point out that even though some of the material in the book will be considered offensive (like Jesus swilling vodka and redbull while swearing like a sailor), we also kept the book very level headed. There are some very strong dialog scenes between Death and Jesus that people have commented on as being very introspective.

If you hate that kind of stuff, Moon tempers it with a giant shit monster. So there’s that.

NFTA: Jokes aside for a moment, the reviews for The Apocalypse and Satan’s Glory Hole, hover around the 4 ½ to 5 star range. Most of the reviewers are fans of the bizarro genre and they get it, has TASG received any bad reviews and if so how did you deal with it?

TWL: I don’t know of any bad reviews. I am sure we will get them and to be honest, there is no such thing as bad publicity. The devious part of me has even contemplated sending a copy of the book to a religious group and asking them to protest it. You can’t PAY for publicity like that.

As far as bad reviews go, in general they sting but really, who the hell cares. I know my work won’t make everyone happy. I remember getting a negative review on Among the Living because there were a couple of sex scenes in the book. The reviewer didn’t care about the extreme gore, heads getting lopped off, exploding bodies, or women and children being killed. No, she only cared about the sex.

Not only did I get a chuckle out of the review. I’m pretty sure I had a spike in sales. Hey man, sex sells.

NTFA: Sex does indeed sale. That’s interesting that your reviewer focused only on the sex scenes. I had a reviewer blast me because one of the characters in The Darkness is gay but you don’t find that out until way later and its only in passing. He didn’t mind the illegal research being conducted by rogue scientist and didn’t have a problem with extreme descriptions of the occult, but he wrote a two page, thumbs down, nasty review over 22 words. I was pretty devastated.

TWL: If they don’t like it they can move on to another writer that floats their boat. I wouldn’t be caught dead reading a Twilight book then leaving a negative review because I’m some hoity-toity fucking horror writer. That whole mentality is wasted on me. If you feel the need to leave me a negative review, I hope you are putting that much effort into doing negative reviews of things that matter, like health care or bacon missing from a maple bar.

NFTA: As far as name recognition and of course books sales, how important is it to appear at the Cons and how many do you plain on attending next year?

TWL: It is essential. Not going to cons, even if it is to sit at a table and hand out flies for your work, is just asking to be ignored. You can’t just write a book and put it out there, and expect to sell a million copies. Unless you are Stephen King and have decades of name recognition. You have to promote the hell out of it. Getting out there and meeting fans of the genre leads to lots of word of mouth. Not to mention - book sales.


I love to wander around cons and talk to people, see what they do and then tell them about my books. You never know where it will lead. In the last year, just from cons, I have put my books in the hands of well knows writers, producers, artists, and tons of fans. I have met publishers, other writers and even movie stars that took a moment to pose with my book.

NTFA: How much time passes from the moment that you wake up to the moment you start writing?

TWL: More like how much coffee passes? I have my own measurement of time that doesn’t involve clocks. It involves how much caffeine I ingest. I would say a good two cups is the norm.

I actually have a pretty strict writing time set aside. I spend at least an hour in the morning and an hour in the evening working on stuff. I have also been known to sit in front of the TV, on a weekend, and write for five hours with occasional bathroom breaks.

NFTA: So what can we expect from you next year?

TWL: Probably sequels. I do have a new trilogy in the works. The first book is done and I am shopping it around right now. I hope to have some good news in the near future.

I am doing a sequel to Among the Living called Among the Dead. I also plan to do another slice of coconut-bra, hula-skirt-wearing, outrageous Zombie-Wilson stuff.
I can’t guarantee all this stuff will be out next year, but I will do my best.

NFTA: It was super good seeing you again, and sorry for the rough abrupt way in which this interview started. Vladimir will take you back to where we took you from but before you go what words of wisdom do you wish to impart to so many newbie writers, who have delusions of grandeur and dream of having the careers of Ben Templesmith, Scott Sigler, or LA Banks seemingly overnight?

TWL: It’s all-good, pretty much like any Friday night to me.

NFTA: Oh my God, LLMFAO!

TWL: Don’t expect it to happen overnight. Those folks are immensely talented but they probably worked their asses off to get where they are. If they didn’t have a ton of stuff out already, they probably spent years getting an agent to look at their work. Don’t expect the fairy tale that shit only happens in books and movies. Expect to start small and STAY small for a while. It is all about getting your work out there and promoting yourself.

Notice I said a keyword there? Yourself. If you aren’t too busy drooling from my boring answers, take that one word to heart. I don’t promote my books, I promote ME! I want people to know me and expect good things when they see MY name on something.

NFTA: Thanks again for your time Timothy. Will I see you at Seattle’s 2011 Crypticon?

TWL: You better believe it! I will be there with my full pimp daddy costume on, trying to sell ice to Eskimos.

For more information about Timothy W. Long please visit:

http://www.zombie-wilson.com
http://timothywlong.blogspot.com
http://facebook.com/Crusis

And to purchase the any number of books that Timothy has available please visit:

http://www.amazon.com/Timothy-W.-Long/e/B002JKB6W0/

It’s Gluttony, not Vanity that will send me to Hell

Word of the Day:
Divagate.
PRONUNCIATION:(DY-vuh-gayt)verb intr.: To wander or digress.

How to survive a horror movie Tip # 47:
If you're black, you will have the best advice, but you will become the scapegoat and die first anyway.

So I took this little stupid test online and the results would be to tell you of which of the deadly sin you would be sent to Hell for. Image my surprise when my results revealed Gluttony.



I laughed it off and posted the test results on Facebook. But then I thought about it, and thought about it and thought about it and then got mad, because surely, if I am to be Damned by committing a mortal sin, Vanity would be the one that does me in.

I absolutely believe in God, so much so that I wear my tattoo heralding my faith like a coat of amour so no I don’t want to go to Hell. But as all of you know the amount of time I spend gazing upon my own reflection would make even Adonis raise an eyebrow. And as most you know due to the removal of my overactive thyroid I have gained about 60lbs this year and am very unhappy about it…

Gluttony.

I called my mom pissed off and in tears pleading my case that I am not a glutton and the weight gain was due to the medication I have to take. Once my mom figured what the in hell I was talking about she agreed with the results.

I was devastated and proclaimed that I was going to the gym and my mom said gluttony does not mean over eating, it means excess.

No it doesn’t!

Yes it does.

Then she went on to remind me that when I bought my 1st high end Japanese import I was working as a union member making a little over $35hr but despite that I went out and got another job, a part time job, so that I could make more money to buy the car faster even though there was nothing wrong with the little American sports car I was driving at the time never minding the fact I was so tired I didn’t even know who I was.

I told her that I didn’t see anything wrong for working really hard for the stuff that you want. She told me it wasn’t the cars, jewels, and shoes that made me gluttonous but my work habit. She told me “that ever sense you were little you have always worked to hard and pushed your to far when there was no reason to do so. You and your sister and brother have always had more than enough, and yet you, by choice, work as if you don’t have nearly enough. You give more than you take, so no I don’t think you’re greedy and though at times your distraction with your reflection is probamatic for the most part it’s endearing. But you body is a temple and you work to hard to get the proper rest and as long as I can remember you’ve always worked on the Sabbath. So yes, Gluttony is correct.”

Wow.

Though I joke about my vanity what my mother said about my Glutton is no laughing matter, so I the New Year fast approaches I will be heeding my mom’s warnings.